Depression, according to google is a mood disorder that involves a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. It is different from the mood fluctuations that people regularly experience as a part of life.
For me it was something quite weird I had only read about it I never thought that I would ever face depression since am naturally a bubbly person and I was a psychology major at that time you’d think I would have known better than to actually allow myself to go down the slippery slope of depression right? but when it hit me whoa…. the textbooks dint do justice to the definition of depression I guess I got to do practical’s of what I was studying.
First and foremost I had weird feeling in my tummy like I had taken lots of water and it all went to the lower part of my belly all at once . it’s like my tummy was bloated all the time and I had no appetite whatsoever .
Then there was this feeling in my chest a heaviness that made me feel empty an empty heaviness . I know it’s an oxymoron but yeah it was a combination of those two feelings at the same time.
Then the mind. Lord have mercy *insert Madea voice * This was the place where the greatest battle was. It’s like having a thousand tabs open at the same time. And on one tab I’d replay on repeat the scene that led to all this madness over and over again . But the thoughts that really plagued my mind was what will people think. That they’ll how naïve and stupid I was to have not seen it coming. These thoughts crippled me with fear. So I made it my purpose to fake it till I make it. So I’d smile on que crack jokes and I’d work so hard to prove to everyone that I was okay .The problem with this system was that I was not putting in the work needed to actually heal my emotions . I avoided processing my emotions I figured if I ignored my emotions long enough they’d sort themselves out magically .So in my opinion this fake it till you make it mantra is BS at least where depression is concerned
Another mantra that doesn’t work is time heals all wounds this is not entirely true. Think we should add it heals all wounds depending on what you do with the time. Now all the above experiences happened in my body at times simultaneously. Other times I’d experience one or two of the experiences described above at a time .
Good news is that it is possible to conquer depression others have done it and am sure that you can also be among the many that have. Unfortunately you cannot wish away depression you have to be intentional about healing you have to put in the work.
YES IT GETS BETTER .YES YOULL SMILE AGAIN .YES YOULL GET TO BE HAPPY AGAIN.